The End Before the Beginning

The End Before the Beginning

Hi, My name is Ansley and I wanted to share my journey on becoming a mother and starting a family with anyone who wants to follow along. My journey has  barely started, so who knows where this blog may lead. It could have a happy ending or a difficult outcome. But before we get into my journey, Let me share a little about myself.

my husband and I on my 32nd birthday

DSC_9433-EditI grew up in Atlanta. Roswell, Ga to be exact. I love Atlanta and anything to do with being a southern girl (even though I lived in the suburbs and not on a wide acre farm with horses). I left Ga to attend college at Point Park University in Pittsburgh, where I got my BFA in Musical Theatre. After I graduated in 2007 I moved to Orlando where I worked as a singer, dancer, actress and stunt performer in the theme parks. Yes Disney World. No I cannot get you tickets. I also started a photography business in Orlando. VanEppsPhotography, if you’re so inclined to look it up. So my life seemed pretty wonderful in Orlando. However, after living in Orlando for 10 years, my time is up. My husband, who I met at Epcot while he was studying for a school with the army, was chosen for an amazing opportunity to advance his career. So, off we go on a 1 year journey to New York City for him to pursue his career, and I’m tagging along. But let me rewind a bit.

When he received the call for this amazing opportunity, I was almost 6 weeks pregnant with our first child. (The photo at the top is me with my nephew.) We hadn’t even told our families yet. Now, 4 months in, I should be 6 months pregnant. I am not. I am not pregnant anymore. Its something most women don’t talk about. Miscarriage…Except I didn’t have a miscarriage. Not exactly. Our baby was 1 in 140,000 that had a genetic disorder called Meckel Gruber Syndrome. Its a rare disorder, and it’s 100% fatal. Theres nothing to be done, no cure and if you do give birth to a baby with this disorder, it’s most likely only going to live for only a few moments. I’ll get into the specifics of my story in my next post. But, looking into research on Meckel Gruber, and trying to find support and other families who had been through it, there wasn’t much out there. We found a small support group on Facebook of about 150 people from around the world  who had/have been affected with this disorder. The worst part about this group is, whenever someone new joins it’s not a “Hi, nice to meet all the other people in this group” it’s “We just found out our baby has this awful disorder and what do we do now”.

So, my husband mentioned that I should start a blog, not only for myself to deal with some of the depression that you inevitably go through when you loose a baby, but also for other women who have been through this. Or for anyone who wants to reach out to talk about Meckel Gruber, or any genetic disorder. Women shouldn’t be afraid to tell people they had a miscarriage or a medically interrupted pregnancy (Which was in my case). But I’ll get to that in my next post. So, that’s me in a nut shell, and this is the start to my blog about loving someone you never met, losing him, and trying again.

Me, 14 weeks Pregnant on New Years Eve 2016

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