“Hurry Up and Wait.” I’ve heard this expression my entire life. As a performer, rehearsals, dress rehearsals and costume fittings can be a lot of “hurry up and wait.” My husband says that this saying should be the Army’s motto. But never has this expression made me more upset than this period of my life. Our waiting for a rainbow baby.
A rainbow baby is a baby born to a couple who has experienced loss or miscarriage. It’s the rainbow after the storm. Our storm was very difficult to navigate through, but we got there. But now, for us, we are standing in the mist, almost through, but not 100% through. We are in the process of waiting. We chart my Basal Body Temperature, we exercise, we eat healthy and we are actively trying. Then we wait 2 weeks for a positive pregnancy test…which we have yet to receive. But the waiting won’t be over when we get those 2 pink lines. Nope not for us.
You see, my husband and I are both carriers of a rare genetic disorder, Meckel Gruber. If passed to our children from both of us, it will result in 100 % death either in the womb, or minutes after birth. We do have a 75% of having a very healthy baby, but unfortunately our first child had Meckel Gruber Syndrome, and passed away at 20 weeks.
So what does this mean for our next pregnancy? Well, we will have more extensive testing at 9 weeks to see if our next baby will have Meckel Gruber Syndrome. This is more waiting and more waiting. Waiting to get pregnant, and then waiting to see if that pregnancy will again result in loss has been a lot to take in. My husband says to not think about it, but I find it hard not to. I hope beyond hope that our next baby will be healthy and this waiting and worry will result in a rainbow, and the clouds will part, and the sun will shine, and we will see that rainbow we’ve been waiting for.